This episode is a PSA about what to do when your builder says ‘no’ or ‘we can’t do that’ or ‘this is how WE do this’.
Let me just say first that I am NOT here to bash any builders. I know where they’re coming from and I know why they say ‘we can’t do that’.
Sometimes it’s legit, and it’s truly not possible.
However, other times it might be possible … you just have to ask the right questions.
What to Do When Your Builder Says No
Links Mentioned in this Episode:
👉 Overwhelmed and unsure where to start with your home build? Learn my exact 4-step framework to build your dream home—on budget and without regrets—in this free class. 👈
Below is the full transcript for this podcast episode.
Welcome back to the Before You Build podcast. I’m your host Carrie Barker (aka Caroline On Design), and today in episode 83, we’re talking about what to do when your builder says no to a request of yours, because …
I know you’re in the very beginning stages of planning for your custom build, BUT at some point during your build, you’re going to ask your builder for something, and you’ll hear, “No, we can’t do that.”
If you don’t know how to respond in that moment, you might end up letting go of something you really wanted… something you’ll regret not pushing for.
Custom Home Build Regret: A Real-Life Example
Let me tell you a quick story.
Last week, I was chatting with a friend who built her home four years ago.
While she was building, she told her builder she wanted tall (8’) doors to match her high ceilings—and her builder said, “We can’t do that.”
So she dropped it.
She was bummed but she didn’t push back because she didn’t realize she could.
Now, four years later, it’s one of her biggest regrets.
And this kind of thing happens ALL. THE. TIME.
But the good news is that YOU can avoid this type of regret with a little planning ahead.
What “We Can’t Do That” Actually Means
As you begin planning your custom home, it’s important to know that when your builder says “we can’t” it doesn’t always mean “we literally can’t.”
Sometimes it does, but often it means:
- That’s not part of our usual process.
- That’s outside your base package.
- That would take more effort (and might cost more).
It doesn’t necessarily mean it can’t be done.
But if you don’t ask for clarification—or if you assume your builder’s “no” is the final word—you might walk away from something that truly matters to you and end up regretting it later.
When you know how to talk to your builder and ask the right follow-up questions, you’ll be able to turn a knee-jerk “no” into a confident, well-informed “yes.”
This Is YOUR Home (not theirs!)
Right now, you’re in the perfect position to set the tone for your entire build.
You’re still in the planning phase.
I want you to remember …
This is your house. Your lifestyle. Your investment.
Your builder is a valuable expert in construction (and I highly recommend using a builder), but they won’t always prioritize functionality or design the way you would because it’s YOUR house.
That’s why advocating for your home design from day one is essential.
You don’t have to be pushy—but you do need to be proactive.
Questions to Ask Your Builder If They Say “No”
We talk about this A LOT inside my BEFORE YOU BUILD℠ program!
I always tell my students …
If something’s important to you—don’t drop it.
So I’m telling YOU that right now!
When you do hear “we can’t do that” or “we don’t do it like that”, here’s what I want you to say:
💬 “I understand it’s not standard, but it’s really important to me. What would it take to make it happen?”
💬 “If it affects the budget, I’m open to adjusting or saving elsewhere to prioritize this.”
Asking these simple questions is HOW you stay in control and avoid later regrets—by leading the conversation with clarity, calmness, and intentional choices.
Get Ahead of Regrets BEFORE They Happen
You’re still in the early stages—and that’s a GOOD thing. Because now is the time to set expectations, gain clarity, and plan ahead for situations where your builder might say, “we can’t do that.”
If you wait until you’re mid-build to figure all this out, it’s a lot harder to course-correct.
But when you know what to expect, and you’re ready to respond with confidence?
That’s how you stay in control, you don’t compromise on a must-have for YOU, and you end up with a home you’ll love for years to come.
Free Custom Home Build Start Guide
Feeling excited about building your custom home—but also a little unsure where to start?
You’re not alone.
This process can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to!
That’s exactly why I created the FREE Custom Home Build Start Guide—to help you get your bearings, avoid common mistakes, and begin your journey with clarity and confidence.
It’s the perfect first step if you want to:
✅ Feel more confident in your decisions
✅ Communicate clearly with your builder
✅ Avoid costly custom home build regrets
👉Click here to grab your FREE GUIDE—and start your build with confidence before construction even begins!
